Let's get the hang of this............

So why am I writing a blog?

Reason no.1; to keep people informed about my condition without their having to resort to ringing/texting/emailing. I understand that it's not always easy to do so, perhaps because of concerns about being intrusive and of course there are times when we are both overwhelmed or in 'another place' - though I wouldn't want to deter efforts at staying in touch because these personal messsages of support and concern are important to us.

Reason no.2; this is more to do with me. It's to do with the idea that by writing about my situation I might just be able to understand it and myself a little better - that it might be, in some way, therapeutic.

So - let's start with the facts. This way everyone gets to a baseline. I have been told that I have cancer in or on my left kidney, a tumour 12 cms in diameter. I have known this for about three weeks following an appointment at the haematuria clinic at the Queen Elizabeth Hospital. I had been referred after a second MRI scan had located something on my left kidney, a 'cyst' said the GP trying to let me down slowly, but I'll admit to being concerned when he repeated the words, 'I'm sorry'.

Why had I gone for an MRI? Because the Royal Orthopaedic Hospital was trying to establish the reasons for my lower back pain and sciatica-like discomfort/pain in my left leg. The first MRI, in their own 'tunnel model' had given me an unpleasant claustrophobic experience but I'd stuck with it just long enough for the images to confirm a diagnosis of a protruding disc.

So, I told the ROH that I'd like to try and manage the condition 'conservatively' - yoga, chiropractic, osteopathy, physio - in order to ensure that if I had to go for surgery it would only be as a last resort. Four months later I went back and asked for further help. This time I was referred to a private clinic for an MRI in a newer 'open model'. This time there was no claustrophobia but some days later the GP rang.

After the shocking news from the specialist nurse in the urology department (haematuria clinic) I collected just about every scan there is, ultrasound, bone, CT, before returning for the meeting with the consultant to learn the outcome and the treatment programme.

We were last in and perhaps that should have been a clue. When he said 'it's not good news' I felt a strange sense of no longer being within my own body. Not only did I have kidney cancer but it has spread - two small lesions in my right lung. The prognosis - with a kidney removal followed by chemotherapy the mean survival stats gave me just over two years.

That's the baseline. I need to pause because my leg is still playing up when I sit for any length of time. I'll be back.