Oscopy....shmoscopy.

Oscopy....shmoscopy..... I know an imminent medical indignity when I see one.

Just before Christmas I returned from a (very emotional) night out at the Birmingham Town Hall with some friends. We had been to a reading of  'A Christmas Carol' and were informed that Dickens himself had given the first public reading of his, now-famous, novel in the very same place more than 150 years earlier.

While at my friends' house I made a discovery when visiting 'the bathroom' - a pinkish hue to my pee - clinicians would term it haematuria.

After (only a little) procrastination this resulted in an email to my specialist nurse at the Queen Elizabeth Hospital, even though there was and has been, no recurrence. Time went by and I thought/hoped my email had disappeared into the cybervoid of the seasonal period.

Then a few days ago a letter arrived informing me that an appointment had been made for me to attend the urology clinic for an endoscopy in mid-February. Endoscopy, cystoscopy - let's be clear - this is all about pushing a lens into and up a particularly sensitive part of my anatomy. It's not that I'm against these 'invasive' procedures, it's just that I think they should be reserved for other people.

I've written to the specialist nurse making a generous offer. If she has other, more urgent, patients waiting for an appointment then I am willing to give up my place in the queue.

Well, it's worth a try.

Another letter arrived today. This was the copy of the radiologist's report from my last CT scan. As I promised to share the detail the following is a lightly-edited extract.
Previously documented lung nodules have either resolved or reduced in size: a 3mm nodule in the apical segment of the right lower lobe close to the mediastinum on the previous study is barely apparent; a nodule in the right middle lobe measuring 4mm now measures 2mm.

A nodule in the right lower lobe measures 5mm and has reduced from 8mm previously. More posteriorly in the right lower lobe the nodule has reduced from 13mm to 6mm. Other smaller nodules are no longer apparent, no new focal abnormality is seen in the lungs or mediastinum.

So, although there are one or two queries relating to a 'collection' outside the lungs and other matters, I'm sure you'll agree that this amounts to good news. It was puzzling to read in the conclusion that 'appearances are stable' when the body of the text suggests that it is so much better than that - but I guess this may fall within the range of what some have unfairly termed, my tendency to pedantry. 

Next appointment (do try to stay awake!) is with the consultant at the Royal Orthopaedic Hospital next week. Forget what I wrote earlier, the continuing discomfort is such that I'm going to ask him to insert a steel rod into the scoliotic lumbar region of my spine and attach my poor degenerating vertebrae to it.